Please note that this entry will contain several irrelevant or just plain stupid random rants about friendship in general, some lessons learned these past few years, etc, etc, etc — yep, pretty much very random. I’m not particularly good at expressing myself through writing (duh, I’m an artist remember /cry) so expect it to be a bit incoherent and well… for a lack of a better term — ‘word vomit’ . Do forgive any grammatical errors, fail sentence constructions, or redundant words as my vocabulary is not as wide & deep as the Pacific ocean. If my last 3 sentences annoyed you, stop reading! You have been warned!
Okay, I don’t really know where to begin so let me just say thanks to everyone who made it this far HAHA Anyway, these past few months I’ve been a bit emotionally down for reasons I’m sure everyone else goes through — friend issues, self esteem, self worth, the future… life in general. Is it just me or am I experiencing quarter life crisis? *le gasp*
One morning I just woke up and realized that out of the numerous amount of friends I have in my life, only a few significant individuals are and hopefully remain truly genuine. Don’t get me wrong though, it took me months to realize this, it’s not an overnight thing. This is probably because I’ve been so in denial about everything, you know? Trying to see the good in everyone… refusing to believe that people close to me are capable of such things? The fact that people so close to you can just wake up one day and decide you’re not important to them anymore and don’t even bother to explain why — it’s terribly frightening! OR that they suddenly have other priorities in life and decide to put your friendship on hiatus or just ignore you completely like you guys never even knew each other. Really, I don’t get it — it’s emotionally confusing. How can other people throw away or change friends like they’re changing outfits? Well apparently, life isn’t a fairytale and happy endings just don’t come that easily. I am so tired of all this ‘reaching out and trying to fix broken bonds’ drama. I realized that NOTHING in this world is one way. You can’t make anything work out without the other party cooperating so better not stress over it. Now that I think about it, I think the reason why I’m so afraid of losing some people in my life is that I felt a strong connection; like I really mattered to them — but a friendship that can end overnight is probably a friendship that never really begun in the first place. It’s really hard when you feel like you have to work your butt off to be good enough to be friends with someone; know what I mean? You can’t live your life constantly trying to please everyone —- it’s either they like you, or they don’t.
Real friends fix things. Real friends disagree and fight over things but still hold hands at the end of the day and mend the broken bond. Real friends can hurt the hell out of you, say everything they feel about you in front of your face then grab a band-aid and place it on then heartache they gave you afterwards. Real friends don’t suddenly ignore your existence without leaving a clue as to what you did wrong — if you did anything wrong at all. Real friends don’t backstab you — they front stab you. Real friends tell you what’s wrong — you don’t hear it from someone else.
A friendship that makes you worry so much about yourself, your relationship and how to keep it, what your ‘friend’ might think about you is not real friendship. A friendship that requires you to make so much effort just to please the other, endlessly try to reach out to the other, try to catch up on what’s happening to the other, constantly trying to keep up with the other is NOT real friendship. It’s more like you trying to be at par with your friend, trying so hard so you can please your ‘friend’, clinging on to that false friendship. See, the thing is if you’re genuinely friends with someone they will NEVER make you feel like you’re inferior to them or give you a reason to doubt yourself or the relationship you have with them. You DO NOT change yourself for someone else — the whole thing will be a lie, a facade of who you truly are. In life, “you don’t really lose friends, you just figure out who your real friends are”.
If your friendship with someone was at one point ‘real’, I believe you’ll find yourselves together again. I don’t know how long it takes but from my experience, the longest was 3 years before a certain someone and I eventually talked again and patched things up — and I’m glad we did. Really stupid that we didn’t fix things earlier when I think about it — a lot of damage has been done but nothing an apology couldn’t fix. The lesson here is try to give it some time, don’t force things when the moment is not right. Best thing to do is be thankful for the happy memories and what you had, sulk over it for a few days but give yourself a deadline, then move on. We can’t really complain about life being sucky cause in reality, we decide on what we want to happen with our lives. It’s our choice who we allow to hurt us. No one can hurt us if we don’t allow them to.
It’s really sad when you lose friends. People change, priorities change, change is constant and we just have to accept that— just suck it up and move on with life. It’s really hard to let go of something you have tried so hard to keep. However, it’s harder to keep holding on to something that just doesn’t exist anymore.
Date a girl who takes photographs. Date a girl whose favorite sound is the click-click of the shutter as it closes and opens to capture a memory. Date a girl who sees the wonder in the simplest things. Date a girl who looks at the world and wonders how to put a little of herself in it.
You might find her in the park, lost behind her lens, the world a blur around her as she tries to capture a single moment in time. You might find her in an exhibit, a look of concentration on her face as she contemplates a photograph that called out to her as she was passing by. Or maybe you will find her in a bookstore, a book in her lap as she pores over photographs of weddings all the while wondering what hers would look like.
Take her out to photo walks and laugh as she tries to take a picture of you. When she gets tired of walking, buy her cupcakes but wait until she has taken pictures of them before proceeding to eat them. Listen as she tells you her ideas for a photo shoot on the ride home.
Take her to a restaurant and wait patiently as she surveys the menu carefully, appreciating the food photography. And again, wait until she has taken a photo of your food before digging in. Allow her introduce you to Ansel Adams while you both eat your lunch. Introduce her to your favorite musician as you wait for the bill to arrive. When you get home, change your Facebook profile picture into a photograph she took of you. She silently hoped for it.
Take stolen shots of her. Compile it and give it to her on her birthday. Tell her you love her over and over until your voice replaces the click of the shutter as her favorite sound. Kiss her after she lifts her head up from the camera. Give her camera-shaped necklaces. Go places with her.
You will never be bored again.
Date a girl who takes photographs. She will never whine about a little dirt on her favorite pair of jeans as she kneels down to get a better angle of her subject. She will never be afraid to take adventures with you. She will take photographs of you not just with her camera but with her mind as well and keep it to herself to admire at night. But above all, she will teach you how to look at the world with a brand new perspective and she will do that unknowingly.
Marry a girl who takes photographs. Ditch those wedding photography books and give her the most beautiful wedding you could. She will teach your kids to find the beauty in everything just as she had taught you. Every day will be an adventure as she tries to create memories photograph-worthy with you. She may wake you up in the middle of the night because she is buzzing with ideas but she will make it up in the morning with a stack of hot pancakes beside a steaming cup of your favorite coffee blend.
Grow old with a girl who takes photographs. Sit with her on the front porch as you both pore over the bits and pieces of the moments you’ve had together. Stroke her hair as you both relive the photo walks that you took and the places you have been when you were both young. Smile as you both reenact your clever wedding vows.
Date a girl who takes photographs because she will always see that “something” in the most “nothing” of things. She will never let anyone take you away from her like she never lets anyone steal her photos and that is just one of the evidences that she loves you.
When I was younger I wanted the body of Scarlet Johansson
The face of Angelina Jolie
and the complexion of Dita Von Teese
Basically, I hated everything about my physical self. I look “cute” and my skin is brown, which is in the other end of the body image I wanted. My mental health wasn’t the best and needless to say that having a very low self-esteem did not do me any good. I would fight with anyone online, bitch out about the most trivial things, constantly crave attention…it was such a negative time of my life. My inner issues were showing, and it was not a beautiful sight.
It was only when I got tired of feeling ugly and depressed and did something about it that I started to get what I want. I am thankful that I hit my head somewhere and started to realize that what I look like can be beautiful too and that if there’s something I don’t like, I can always do something about it (i.e. exercise). Everything starts from within. When you have a healthy self-esteem and confidence you can get anything you want.
I’m not curvy, and I still bike and jog when I have time (because I want to have a better back end and better stamina), and my skin is brown but I’m fine with this body.
I mean, I already know how to work it out. This is me, and I will deal with it so I can move on and move forward.
This photo is not what you’d see as FHM sexy, but this is me. And I’m fine with it.
Join me and the ladies of Soroptimist Club of Paranaque on August 6, 2012 at The Forum (Fully booked Fort ) for a night of confidence and self-esteem building activities. Whether you’re already so makapal ang mukha confident like me or just starting to find your inner sexy just join us that night. It will be a fun Monday for all of us ;)
Date & Time: Monday, August 6, 2012, 7:00-9:00pm Place: The Forum, Fully Booked High Street, Fort Bonifacio, Taguig Class Fee: P1,200 | P1,000 (Soroptimist Members) Who Should Attend: Women who:
Are at least 18 years of age
Would like to build her confidence
Would like to develop a mindset that would allow her to take on anything life throws at her, and take those on in style
Are feeling burned-out and are looking for something fun to help them feel beautiful again
Find your own brand of “beauty”. And I promise, a new world would open for you.
Yet again, Dar and I have managed to cause some mischief, this time bringing along two people to frolic with us.
After our last collaboration, we both decided to do another one before Dar went back to school. The last few years, I’ve been craving for a photo shoot for myself which I have redundantly been doing for other people. This is the typical girl in a dress, sprawling in a field of grass or flowers. I’ve always found those types of shooting to be very enchanting and pretty, and I wanted a similar shoot for myself. However for some reason, I never got the chance to do so. Hey, sometimes I do have my little vain moments but don’t get my wrong, I enjoy being behind the camera more than in front of it…yet sometimes I can’t help but want a couple of good shots of myself, hihi~!
Dar shot a few pictures of me, and in turn I shot a few pictures for her and out friends. Some of the photos were taken with Dar’s camera while the rest were taken with mine. I still wanted to use the power of a 1.8 50mm prime lens for some of my shots like the ones above. But I absolutely fell in love with the pictures Dar took of me! They were exact feel and compositions I wanted. The dreamy and flowery-child vibe is a look that I absolutely adore, and I was happy to have these shots taken since I rarely stay in front of the camera nowadays. (Because I’ve gained a considerable amount of weight </3)
This shot is my absolute favorite~! ♥ It’s currently my profile picture on my facebook. This photo is so pretty~ Dar took this and I did the post-processing :) Don’t you guys think she’s talented?
I know I do :3
I did my own hair, make-up, styling, and post-processing.
Thanks a lot Dar for all the pretty photos! I love them all~ thanks to Mikko for assisting, and Liac and Lissan for tagging along ♥ Love you guys :”>
Now, here are some photos of Dar that I took~
Isn’t she just pretty? We’ve known each other for a very long time dating waaaaay back when I still into lolita fashion; that was almost three years ago if I’m not mistaken. The two of us met when we joined a lolita enthusiast group, Hinamatsuri, and from there we’ve hit it off quite nicely. I even did her make-up for her debut! She was one of my first ever make-up clients and I was happy to have done a collaboration with her twice this month.
Visit her facebook page if you can! She’s a really good photographer :)
This is a photo of our two friends who we invited, Lissan and Liac. Same story as Dar, we all met in the same lolita fashion group :) I actually had a shoot with Liac last month as well!
Cuties aren’t they? ♥
And now, for some behind the scenes photos~!
Mikko! One of our photographers and driver for the day!
We shot until the sun went down, literally. Up to the point where there was little to no light, we kept on shooting. I wasn’t able to take so much shots because I had a wardrobe malfunction in the middle of the shoot so I had to take care of; it took up thirty minutes of the time and I went crazy because of it! Hahaha!